When I contemplated marriage…

Yet another Friday night I was sitting in front of my computer, debugging why our product crashed when a client tried installing a Japanese version of our product on a Chinese XP. “Friday night and it’s around 7:30, you are still sitting in the office? You don’t have a life, do you?” asked my project lead trying to draw more blood from my already bleeding nose, when he was about to leave the office. Wonder what this 33 year old who has a wife and a kid, apparently waiting for him at home, was doing till now. “What were you doing till 7:30 on a Friday night at office. At least no one expects me at home” I said trying to suck out the remaining part of his semi-dead soul. “Ironically that’s the reason why I am here” he said. “Ha ha then having none is better than having a pathetic one isn’t it” I said. My reply sent him packing.

His caustic words still echoed in my ears. Did I have a life? I tried spending the next few minutes in retrospection of how a typical “Manivannan” day was. I get up pretty early at around 7:00 (well it’s not that early if u are a college student, but it’s earlier than dawn if you are software professional). After an hour of exercise and the other essential morning activities I come to office close to 8:30 skipping my breakfast. I work till 8:30pm doing a dead man’s job and reach home around 9:30 after having dinner outside in the company of strangers. I reach home half alive and hit my sack faster than a lightning. After drowning in Sriram’s mokkais which work better than my granny’s lullabies I sleep, invariably dreaming about the same gal. Ok…The words have been etched in my heart. I DONT HAVE A LIFE.

“People say that I spend most of my time in the office. But you come earlier than me and leave after I do. Don’t you have a life?” asked one of my cube mates. “Well… the problem is no one will be there at home even I go early. My roommates come home mostly at around 9 in the night. It’s pretty boring to be home alone that’s why I spend most of the time at office.” “Why don’t you marry dude?” he asked me after a deep thought.

Those words came like a bolt from the blue. I started dreaming about how great my life would be if I married my dream girl. She would wake me up with a hot bed coffee. She would make good breakfast. She would wave me good bye, after coercing me to office with a hot pack for lunch. She would make at least ten calls while I am in office “Honey did you reach safe? Hubby did you like the lunch? Do you have loads of work sweetheart? Why dint you come home yet darling?” She would await me eagerly near the doors in the evening. Then we would go for a movie. After a candle light dinner we would come home. Then she would take me to the bed. Then… Then…

Knock knock. “Hehehe for a small injury in his finger you want him to chop his hand off” told a ruddy voice interrupting the most important part of my dream. That brilliant analogy was made by one of my other cube mates. “Well why dint you marry yet” I asked my last cube mate. “Me… marriage… well…” “You are 27 mate. Sure you would have given a thought about marriage haven’t you?” “Definitely yeah… Well… then the inflation is pretty high, so I am just waiting for the inflation to come down.” “What??? What has inflation gotta do with your marriage?” I asked him dumbstruck. “For a better ROI. I will get only a paltry dowry if I marry now, and with inflation at this rate, its value will be insignificant the very next day.”

“It’s road to perdition for the gal who marries you.” I said.

“I promised my wife that I will be home by 8. Damn this US call, I can’t go home before 10:30 now” cribbed my boss. Poor guy I have never seen him in office beyond 7, always thought he maintained the so called work-life balance. But everything has a beginning. “We are going for dinner boss, you wanna join?” I asked him. “Oh yeah, I am very hungry, the call is only at 9:30 but …” he saw his phone ringing. He came after 5 mins.

He was visibly shaken by the call. People started complaining to him about my interest in marriage over dinner. He was married just 2 years ago. He was considerably the right person to advice on marriage.

“Definitely you should marry Mani. Take my word on it. Marriage is the only thing in the world that teaches you what happiness is”

“Vowww… this is what I was waiting to hear boss, at least a single good response on marriage. So you are pretty happy after your marriage rite?”

“I dint say that, I told just that marriage taught me what happiness was. I dint know what happiness was until I got married. But by then it was too late”

Ohh ho… It is going in a wrong direction here.

“Which one you felt was better boss? Life before marriage or life after marriage”

“Life before marriage?? I don’t remember how it was?? There is nothing called as ‘life’ after marriage.”

“Et tu Boss??”

“You know what I did before marriage, ANYTHING I WANTED TOO….”

“That’s too rude boss. You bring a delicious lunch from home while we all eat this dog food. You should be grateful to your wife at least for that.”

“Grateful??? What the hell do you mean? I bring delicious food yeah… but I am the one who cooks that!!!”

All my dreams about my girl went without trace. I imagined how pathetic my life might turn out to be on hearing the opinions of people around me.

“Get up you lazy bones. Who will prepare the lunch? It’s already 8. Get up!! GEEETTTTTT UPPPPPPP!!!!” she would scream and might even pour a bucket of water on my face. “Drive properly you blind or what? can’t you see the motorcycle coming? A dent in my car I will make sure it has a counterpart on your face” she might say while I drive to drop her in office, proudly calling it 'her' car forgetting the fact that I was the one who gifted that on her previous birthday. “Honey how about dinner tonight??” “Do I look like an insane?? Who would come for dinner with you after reading your blog!!!! I will be coming late to home today. Prepare Roti and channa masala”

Forget it MAN… It looks like heaven from outside but it is definitely hell inside I guess. Enjoy being what you are currently…

DISCLAIMER: The post contains an element of fiction and it solely depicts the author’s opinions on marriage. If the characters in the post resemble any married guys life it’s not a mere coincidence, since invariably every married man or woman feels the same. The author is not responsible if some married guys feel remorse on their marriage or any guy reneged his promise on marriage with his/her love after reading this post. In spite of the opinions posted, the author has a strong urge to marry and eagerly waits to tie the knot with his dream gal, who is pretty good and not the way as she is portrayed :).