Expecto Patronum!!!!

My family doctor diagnosed that I had acute appendicitis by just pressing my abdomen and ratified that later with a scan for my satisfaction (dissatisfaction rather…) He advised immediate appendectomy since it was the nascent stage and can be performed by Laparoscopy (an easy painless process) rather than the traditional cut open way. For the next 2 days I surfed over the net regarding the disease, the hospital and the doctor who is going to perform the surgery. I was satisfied with my doc’s reputation for he is the first one to perform a liver transplant in India… man that’s something. Ok I won’t die for sure…

The D-Day arrived and with it the most awkward moment too. The ward boy came with a razor to shave my pubic hairs. I stripped to my briefs but he wanted me to be naked. After confirming that he wasn’t a gay I agreed passively with a strict warning not to get lured by my six packs. After that I was dressed up in a surgical suite, the most comfortable dress I have worn till date. I was moved to Operation Theater after my cousin wished me ALL THE BEST!!!

He can be the best doctor in town but if ‘saneeswaran’ sleeps beside you in a double cot there is little he can do. When I just entered the theater the security came running to the doc with the best news I could possibly hear.

“Hey doc… Is ‘HELL 666’ white Honda Civic in L2 parking yours?”
“Yup. Any parking problem?”
“Nothing much… it’s just that it carries an attractive black dent now. Thought you would be interested to meet the creator of the dent.”
“What the f**k???? I got it painted only last week. Who the hell was that irresponsible guy?”
“I don’t know, a black SWIFT DESIRE guy”
“ohho..That’s my cousin” said yours truly in a pleading voice.

What an auspicious start. When the doc left I was given anesthesia. Had one helluva sleep.

It took me sometime to realize why I was there. Thanks to the pain in my right abdomen, it helped me to figure out the whole story. “Someone please save me. Please help me. I can’t bear the pain… anybody… please” I cried. I wasn’t able to see properly, but definitely I can tell that humans walked around, as though I never existed. Perhaps I thought I was dead, but then there shouldn’t be any pain… Well how do you know how death is like idiot you have never experienced it, then I felt someone pushing my body, though my visibility was pretty poor the words OPERATION THEATER beneath a bright red bulb was crystal clear. Why am I being taken to the operation theater again? Something has definitely gone wrong.

“Hey that case was just operated” told one ward boy laughing at the other two guys who moved me to the THEATER. Voww… that was relieving. I was taken to my room. These days local anesthesia is used for surgeries and hence I woke up within a few minutes after my operation was completed. I had a severe pain because the doc had performed a cut open (due to my cousin???) and unfortunately they can’t give a pain killer shot for the next 8 hours. Definitely one of the worst days in my life, I squealed all the while till I was given a pain killer.

Though you don’t do any work, hospital is not a good place to be on earth to spend time. Operation sucks out half the happiness in your life and the hospital environment takes care of the rest. Tough times ahead… I wasn’t even able to walk without a support for the next few days. I was down both mentally and physically to that level that I was fully confident my brain can’t work out a simple arithmetic problem anymore. I would have literally died but for the nurses.

Even the worst ‘mokkai’ among your friends circle would be the best joke for them. And they will be ready to talk as much as you want for they get a change in their ‘sick’ life. And they provide extra care while injecting an IV if you just say “You are the best!!!” The ultimate point was when I learnt to check the B.P. in a sphygmomanometer from a hottie and my first patient was her.

I had to spend the whole of next week at home in bed-rest. It was damn too boring for my mom banned computers. I would have savored any phone call or visit from anyone on earth. But to my dismay the phone calls were paltry in number. I felt lonely in the country of a billion.

The longest conversation I had was with HSBC marketing lady who dint trust that I was already holding a GOLD CREDIT CARD of theirs and started in a cute voice “Sir. Don’t lie sir”. The conversation went on for another TEN minutes.

At last the year…. oops the week passed by, I was back in Bangalore doing what I am best at… EATING!!! Well now that I don’t have appendicitis and it does not grow back at least in the case of normal human beings I started hogging again.
In the last weekend’s party I heard someone saying “Mani will finish those samosasssss…don’t worry”

Dementor's kiss

It took me sometime to realize why I was there. Thanks to the pain in my right abdomen, it helped me to figure out the whole story. “Someone please save me. Please help me. I can’t bear the pain… anybody… please” I cried. I wasn’t able to see properly, but definitely I can tell that humans walked around, as though I never existed. Perhaps I thought I was dead, but then there shouldn’t be any pain… Well how do you know how death is like idiot you have never experienced it, then I felt someone pushing my body, though my visibility was pretty poor the words OPERATION THEATER beneath a bright red bulb was crystal clear. Why am I being taken to the operation theater again? Something has definitely gone wrong.

It all started with a very good habit of yours truly. I never thought that such a good habit would fetch me a one way ticket to hell. And that habit was yours truly doesn’t like to waste food. In one of the parties when we all felt guilty for ordering more food I pitched in and said “I will try to finish it.” In the next party it was “Mani can you try to finish it” and in the very next it was “Don’t order more da we can’t eat… but… Oh Mani is there na, then no probs…” And slowly I became a glutton. When I was happy I ate more, when I was depressed I ate even more.

Things went even worse when I had to move away from my family in search of money (peanuts rather). I was always determined to get more peanuts and worked so hard that I ignored my health and had to pay the penalty. One day my stomach ached. Though I had umpteen stomach aches before, this one was ominous which made me wake up Venki (one of my roommates) at around 11 in the night and pay a visit to Manipal.
“Don’t you have any lady nurses?” I asked the male attendant who about to give me an IntraVeinous shot. “It’s very late in the night” came a terse reply. Ahh!!! I was deprived of the only good fact about going to a hospital. Then I underwent a scan – result negative. With a couple of tablets minus Rs.1000 they sent me home saying that it might have been a small food poisoning. I felt guilty for waking up Venki and 2 other doctors for nothing, though the solace was I really dint have anything malicious.

Soon I was proved right, for the pain kept me awake the whole night and I left for the hospital alone early in the morning leaving a message to sriram (one of my other roommates). Another IV but this time I was lucky, a Mallu nurse. Another scan but still they found nothing. I was again sent home with a couple of tablets and a big syrup bottle add-on minus Rs.2000 this time.

Next 2 days I was just lying in my bed hoping that the pain will alleviate. At last it did but I lost my appetite too with it. I would have continued with just fruits if not for Pavi and her mom, enjoyed home food for a week. I was to leave for Chennai to consult with my family doctor the following week since the pain hadn’t alleviated fully. Thanks to Venki, Sriram and Pavi, they took a good care of me till I went to Chennai. Bigger thanks to YOU-KNOW-WHO, my other egotist room mate who was absolutely nonchalant about my qualms.

... To be continued